# The Parents Promise **Website:** https://theparentspromise.org.uk The Parents Promise is a social initiative — the Parents Promise — that helps parents make a positive commitment to their children today, in case of a relationship breakdown tomorrow. It brings together organisations, employers, educators, and individuals who believe children deserve the best possible experience when their parents separate. --- ## About The Parents Promise was founded in May 2021 by James Hayhurst after conversations with like-minded organisations about the scale and impact of family separation in the UK. The initiative is led by the Positive Parenting Alliance — a group of 30+ organisations united around a child-focused approach to separation. The process of separation is failing millions of children and parents across the UK. Every year, an estimated 280,000 children experience family separation. It is one of the greatest, least-recognised health risks to children in the UK. **Key statistics:** - 280,000 children per year experience parental separation in the UK - Family breakdown is the number one mental health issue for children — 18% of children in counselling are there because of family breakdown - In 2019: over 200,000 Children's Act orders and 50,000+ private law cases were issued - The annual cost of family breakdown to the UK taxpayer is estimated at £51 billion Children are significantly more likely to adapt with fewer problems and less emotional distress when parents work in partnership during and after separation. **Three changes called for:** 1. A culture of protection and thriving when parents separate — not blame and conflict 2. Family wellbeing placed at the centre of government, business, and organisation policy, with flexible working for parents 3. An evidence-based approach to family breakdown with proper data collection --- ## Education Initiative Parental separation does not have to mean poor outcomes for children. Schools play a fundamental role in the lives of children going through family breakdown — but most are unprepared. **Teacher survey findings (2025):** - 58% of teachers saw school become a source of conflict between separated parents - 61% experienced one parent trying to exclude the other from school communication - 20% experienced a parent being excluded from child pickup - 37% were forced into an intermediary role due to high parental conflict - Fewer than 11% had received training on children's needs in the context of separation - Only 38% were aware of a school policy for separated parents - Only 8% had a safeguarding lead with responsibility for separation - Fewer than 6% had received training on the legal aspects of separation **Impact on children (as reported by teachers):** - 79% reported impact on academic performance - 79% reported impact on school attendance - 94% reported impact on children's mental health **The Five to Thrive principles** — a framework for schools and parents to support children through separation: 1. **Holistic communication** — agreed joined-up communication between separated parents; no disagreements at the school gate 2. **Friendship groups** — monitor changes and concerns in a child's friendships 3. **School work and attendance** — a consistent approach between both households 4. **Mental health** — close monitoring and access to pastoral support 5. **Sports and hobbies** — help children continue participation in activities they enjoy **Five changes needed in education:** 1. Parents commit to keeping school a safe, neutral space — no disagreements at school 2. All schools have clearly communicated policies for separated parents 3. Educational professionals receive training on children's rights and needs during separation 4. All schools have a nominated safeguarding lead responsible for separation 5. Parents and schools adopt the Five to Thrive principles **Resources available:** Guides for parents and teachers, school policy guides, and resources tailored to primary and secondary schools. Available free to download at https://theparentspromise.org.uk/education-initiative **Endorsement:** "By providing guidance and resources for teachers and parents alike this Parents Promise initiative will make a real practical difference to the lives of children in the UK." — Sir Andrew McFarlane --- ## HR Initiative Few employers have formal policies for employees going through relationship separation, despite the significant impact it has on both individuals and businesses. **Employee survey findings:** - 90% of employees stated that separation affected their ability to work - 95% said separation negatively impacted their mental health at the workplace - 39% took time off work as a result - 12% stopped working altogether - Only 9% said their employer had a separation policy - More than 70% were less efficient at work; over 40% took time off **Four changes called for:** 1. **Life Event Recognition** — Recognise separation as a formal "life event" in HR policy 2. **Flexible Working** — Provide access to flexible working arrangements to manage childcare during household reconfiguration 3. **Emotional Support** — Provide access to counselling or employee assistance programmes 4. **Signposting** — Point employees to separation support services **To sign up**, organisations must: 1. Recognise separation as a "life event" in their HR policy 2. Make support guides accessible to all employees **Corporate partners already signed up:** Tesco, Metro Bank, Asda, PwC, NatWest, Unilever, Vodafone --- ## Support Us — Positive Parenting Alliance The Positive Parenting Alliance is a growing group of organisations and individuals who believe children deserve the best possible experience when their parents separate. Anyone can add their name or organisation to the list. **Supporting organisations include:** Place2Be, Relate, Only Mums & Dads, Black Mums Upfront, Tavistock Relationships, OnePlusOne, Frolo, Mush, Bubble, BackThen, Fitrovia Youth in Action, Arc Pathway, and many others. Supporters share a common commitment to child-centred approaches during separation, treating family breakdown as a health and social issue rather than purely a legal one, and protecting children from parental conflict. To become a supporter: https://theparentspromise.org.uk/support-us --- ## Advisory Council The Parents Promise Advisory Council brings together leaders from across the family support sector. Council members provide strategic guidance and advocate for positive change to protect children's wellbeing during parental separation. **Council members:** Aruna Bansal, Dr David Curl, Melissa Davis, Jo Edwards, James Hayhurst (Chair), Hannah Hodgkinson, Nell Garfath-Fox, Rebecca Giraud, Verity Glasgow, Bob Greig, Penny Mansfield CBE, Donald Mbeutcha, Richard Meier, Jo Middleton, Sarah Osmik, Helen Pittard, Susan Rogers, Dr Angharad Rudkin, Ian Soars, Carina White, Rt. Hon Shaun Woodward --- ## Stories Real accounts of parental separation — both positive and negative — to illustrate what is possible when parents prioritise their children. **Nerys, aged 19 (positive):** Parents separated when she was 2 years old. They stayed geographically close, treated each other with respect, and shared her time 50/50 until she was 10. Step-parents were introduced carefully. "I have many friends where their parents have broken up badly and I can see how severely they have been affected by this." **Steve & Ricky (negative):** An initially amicable arrangement deteriorated. The father's contact with his son was increasingly restricted, leading to 39 court hearings. The child shows anxiety and the school has raised concerns about his behaviour. "I feel powerless and I often wonder whether it might be best for me to walk away from Ricky's childhood." **Sally, Greg & their children (positive):** Separated in 2009 with three children. Both parents committed to the children's welfare, continued living together for four years after separation, and maintained an amicable and consistent parenting approach — including through a cancer diagnosis and a heart attack. "The overriding factor that has helped this is that we both hold the belief that a relationship with both parents is of utmost importance." **Ellie, Alan & their children (positive):** Recently separated (one year prior to their story being recorded) with four young children. They adopted a shared parenting approach, attended joint therapy, and focused on maintaining a stable family structure. "No matter how hard it gets we both agreed early on that we would continue to work together to ensure that the children are our priority." **Ruth (negative):** Her children gradually spent longer at their father's home until they were eventually enrolled in a new school without her knowledge. She lost contact with her sons. "I have lost my boys. I barely see them now. Part of me has died." **James, aged 15 (negative, then positive):** His parents' conflicted separation began when he was 7. His mother prevented contact with his father and told him lies. After four years, the family went to mediation. "It took 4 years for mum and dad to see what they were doing to me." --- ## Media The Parents Promise has featured in national and international media since its launch in 2021. **Video content:** - Parents Promise Education Initiative Launch (September 2025) - Parents Promise HR Initiative Launch (January 2023) - The Parents Promise on BBC 5 Live Breakfast (October 2021) - Channel 4: A Father's Fight to See His Son Through a Broken Family Court System (May 2021) - The Parents Promise Launch Video (May 2021) **Press coverage:** - 2025: The Times, SecEd, Nursery World (Education Initiative launch) - 2023: BBC Worklife, The Times, Daily Mail, HR/personnel publications, legal publications (HR Initiative launch) - 2021: The Times, Transparency Project (launch coverage) Full media archive: https://theparentspromise.org.uk/media --- ## Contact **Website:** https://theparentspromise.org.uk **Founded by:** James Hayhurst **Email:** james@theparentspromise.org.uk